Chapter one: secrets and lies

"I'm so sorry..." A boy stood there about 6 feet tall, with dark, and crazy, spikey hair all over. He had the most extradinary look, he spoke from his room. He gazed into her eyes with his, his eyes, they were so gentle. He couldn't control this feeling of guilty and perhaps regret. It was taking over him. His face did not change in the slightest, softly biting his tongue as she stared back into his delicate face.

She wiggled her toes nervously, her feet were bare, hugging a cuddly pillow, she remained frozen in that state. She was around 5 feet tall, dark hair like his, pretty brown eyes, she wore a silver chain around her neck with a cross, that of course she made herself. She could see it in his face, he was oh so serious. She was hoping he'd just burst out laughing at her, saying "You fell for it". But she knew this wasn't going happen, no matter how hard she tried to deny it, she was going to have to accept it, at least thats what she thought. Her heart completely sank. Deep inside of him, he was urging to comfort her, and make her feel better.. it was a burning inside that felt as though it would eat him alive. Hold back.. Come on, Don't.. just Don't do anything stupid..

She knows him very well, down to his favourite icecream, actually she's his only bestfriend. He can trust her with just about anything, including his underwear! She was like an offical member of the Kaulitz household. It was not long ago since they met but it felt like years, as though they knew each other since birth.. but now these words that fell from his lips took her by suprise. Yet, somehow in a strange way she almost expected it. Silence filled the entire room, no words.. only deep shallow breathes, inhales and exhales.

What could she do now? She did not want to have to hide the way she truly felt, that was the last thing she wanted, she would hate herself for it, just feeding the boys lies, and pretending everything was fine. No, it would ruin their friendship, and she didn't want to do this. I just want everything to be the same but right now, her deepest desire was to burst out through the door and escape somewhere.. anywhere, it didn't really matter just as long as she was far away, as long as she could forget about the life she lives. I.. I.. can't take this.. She quickly snapped, and brightly smiled "Billa.. smile.. please?". no.. not anymore..

He was extremely confusion, he couldn't believe what he had just heard her say, he had expected some kind of drama or something of the sort. Huh? I thought she would be upset..?

"It's not your fault, I'll help you.."
"You will?" he asked in disbelief. Wait a second, this has to be one of those really stupid bizzare dreams I've been having again. She didn't flip out or anything, no tears, no drama.. it's almost like she knew..

"I Promise, Billa" She tried as hard as she could to hide all of the saddness in her voice, she could feel her throat closing up inside, she felt it squeeze tighter and tighter, it felt worst than being choked to death.

"You're okay?" He was really concerned about her and he didn't know what to do. What if I hurt her? .. No, I don't want that.. in my case what do i do.. Could she really be okay?

"Yeah, ...and I really like to help you..'cause..i..i understand.." Her smile grew, of course it was fake. She's been used to hiding her feelings all the time, each passing day it only got easier.

He moved in closer, and closer to her, close enough that his face was directly in hers. She was sitting comfortably in his spinning desk chair, that was facing him. She hadn't moved even a single bone or muscle in her body. She was still hugging the pillow in her arms. Don't.. Don't move.. or else he will know..

Bill kept moving in closer to her, making everything even more ackward that it already was. He wore the same face, it hadn't changed, though this time, it looked so very mysterious.. what is he doing?, Don't.. Don't MOVE.. Don't.. Don't do it..


He was close enough beyond the limits of personal space, does he even know that word?, and by now he was touching her body..